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I was wrong.
After that, my life became very small and very quiet. No one was waiting for me anywhere, so I learned not to expect it.
Once, the couch of a guy I barely knew from work, because he saw me nodding off in the break room and said,
I wasn’t, but I nodded anyway.
I worked whatever jobs didn’t ask questions.
Dishwashing.
Stocking shelves at night.
Cleaning offices when everyone else was asleep.
I saved every dollar. Not because I was disciplined. Because I was scared.
Scared that if I stopped, even for a second, everything would disappear again.
I had stubbornness.
I got into culinary school. Worked nights. Studied mornings.
Slept when I could.
While other students talked about vacations and families, I talked to mixers and ovens.
I became a pastry chef slowly. Painfully. Then, quietly, a good one.
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