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Late at night, alone in my little house, I’d picture her in some big, bright kitchen with her husband’s family, all dressed nice, talking about investments.
Then I’d picture myself.
Taking out bags of trash that smelled like old coffee and regret.
I started to wonder if she was embarrassed.
If I was too small, too rough, too…janitor to fit into her new life.
I never told her that. I just cried sometimes, quietly, in the dark, and then got back up and went to work again.
So, standing in my living room with Rosie on my chest and Gillian on my couch, my head was spinning.
After I finally calmed down, I handed Rosie back to Gillian and sat beside her.
She looked wrecked.
Hair shoved up in a messy bun. Dark circles under her eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” she said suddenly. “I’m sorry I waited. I’m sorry I kept her from you.”
She started crying again.
I put my arm around her shoulders.
“Hey,” I said softly.
“You’re here now. That’s what matters.”
She shook her head hard.
“No,” she said. “You don’t understand.”
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