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If I didn’t go, they’d probably tell everyone I gave up at the last minute, that I was too emotional, too fragile.
So I went. I got in my car. I drove to the university.
I walked alone.
Inside the hall, the noise was a wall. Cheering, laughter, babies crying, the thump of the band playing something energetic and hopeful. Rows and rows of families filled the seats. People waved at their kids down on the floor.
I found my assigned seat in the graduate section and sat down. The chair on either side of me marked with little reserved signs where my parents were supposed to be. I left them there. I couldn’t bring myself to peel them off.
When the dean told us to stand and turn to wave at our families, a sea of arms went up. Phones flashed. People shouted names.
I turned with everyone else, stared at the spot where my parents should have been, and saw strangers. A dad in a baseball cap, a little girl with pigtails holding a stuffed animal. An older couple arguing about the camera.
No one who belonged to me.
I lifted my hand halfway, then dropped it.
Nobody noticed.
It wasn’t jealousy.
It was confirmation.
This is what normal looks like.
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